its me.

Somehow, forgiveness is always a hard thing to do.
Once a lie breaks a heart, theres always that barrier that elevates back.
Sometimes, hatred takes over, but love always overcomes.
But that doesn't mean I'm fully yours.
You can go, and I won't cry.
Cause the pain that was once there has bruised me too deeply.

I wonder when you are ever going to have a heart warming talk with me.
Telling me your feelings and emotions.
Until that day, I will never fully go back to you.
I promise.

anxiety.

Anxiety. Is all i have in my heart.
The reason for you being here is for me..is it not?
The Difference in you brings out fear. I wanna runaway.
Im so scared. I don't know what's in my heart.
I love you. I know you want a another chance.
But I'm so afraid. I dunno what to do.
So hurt. So cut. So deeply.
I feel like I'm bleeding. Constantly, with my heart pounding.
Being with you is a risk.
My smile is fake.
Your eyes just tell me lies.

direction

Its amazing how once you could see how much you wanted to be with a person.
Now its all a blurr. Just because you couldn't control yourself.
I understand all the things that has happened to us.
But somehow this feeling is fading away.
Maybe its the distance, Maybe the patience or maybe cause I'm too hurt.

I used to listen to love songs and think of you all day.
But now, the songs..have no meaning. They are just songs.
No memories. No emotion. No feeling.
I even realized sometimes I can't even look at your face.

Somehow I know, that you can't prove me wrong.
Somehow I know, that you'll hurt me again.

I don't wanna feel like this. I want you to take back my heart.

Where you kept it safe and warm.

Lost, until regained. You have three weeks to prove me wrong.

You have three weeks to regain my faith. In us and our relationship. 

Or I'm Sorry to say. 

We both need to move on. 

Whatever happens, Thank you. 

Thank you for giving me your love; 

I'll always cherish it.

And I'll always cherish you.

mom&dad.

Ya Allah,

Bless my parents.
Forgive them for all their sins.
Guide them always, in the right direction.
Keep them healthy, strong, safe and happy.
Take away their fear.
Guide them to their way into heaven.

Oh, please.
Keep them sound for me.
Till I am beside them once again.

Never knew you had this part in you

"Keep telling me everyday that I'll leave you, and maybe someday I just might."



Thanks for the Warning.


love, e.

blank.

What do i do when i'm scared and feeling hopeless. Recalling my past makes me tear. Knowing my present makes me worry. Predicting the future, seems to be out of reach. I was so clear on my direction. On where i wanted to go. What i wanted in life. Now - its like an endless winding road covered in haze. I don't know where i'm going. And i don't know what i'll encounter. Maybe going "home" was a bad idea. It made me grow up too fast. Experience too much. To a point where i don't want to experience anymore. Life - i feel like i'm no longer here. The real me has disappeared. I don't know where she is. And i'm trying my best to find her. I realized, i'm only comfortable when i talk to those who were a part of my past. The ones who knew me. The ones who never judged me and stuck beside me. I'm too hurt. I got hurt for being myself. I know that's the reason why i'm gone.  i keep telling myself - you choose who you want to be. But what if that person i choose isn't enough.

Theres so many bad people in the world. The ones who wants to be a jackass for the sake of it. The ones who are never secure with their looks or their body. The ones who are too sensitive to anything people say. The ones who want to steal other people's boyfriends. The ones who lie to the ones they love. The ones who get pregnant and leaves their baby in a box. The ones who lie, cheat and steal. The ones who never appreciates life.  It makes me sad knowing these people exist. I keep telling myself that God surrounds me with good people. Angels under cover protecting me. I appreciate what he has given me. Though i wonder if He is sad, watching his creation go to waste.

I need to get over my past. I need to accept those people exist. I need to live my life, and stop giving a shit to those people who treated me wrong. As long as i have those people who care, who will never give me up for anything, i will be fine.

to you.

Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.

gambit.

"If I've learned anyt'ing about life wit de X-Men…it's dat anyt'ing is possible." 


Indeed, this is true. You are very optimistic even in those times that aren't the happiest. You are stubborn, and will not go down without a fight. Sometimes you love to be the center of attention, and you don't mind drawing the attention to yourself. You are overall a wonderful person, and anybody would be honored to call you a lover or a friend.

imy.

nothing is the same without you. i wish we were back in each others arms, my leg tucked under your knee and my head on your shoulder while we watch a movie. imissyou. and i miss the way we were.

dangerous. how someone can read me.

Right now, you feel at ease because you have company
whereas before this
you had a slight feeling of doubt in you
and you had many worries which you pushed to the back of your head
and your forcing yourself to focus on what you're reading
your heart feels confused but you're trying your hardest to regulate it
and set your priorities straight only because you miss your family so very much
and you're compansating for the way you miss them by proving to them that you can do very well
you kinda feel like you wanna cry
but you can't right now
cause you're feeling very relaxed
very calm, very collected
you've given yourself a plight of relief by releasing your tension
but you're worried that in a few hours
you're going to go back to feeling not 100%

A dream.

our future.
everything yellow and white.
daffodils beside the beach.
a holiday in Cyprus with a trip around Europe.
a cup of coffee ready for you when you wake up.
asleep on the coach waiting for you to get home.

and then i open my eyes.
it was only just a dream.

worth fighting for.

you are.

but am i?

I'll let you go, if you don't want me anymore.

But I'll keep fighting, if you still do.

No matter how much it hurts, our love means so much more.

Give me a sign.

Tell me, you want me.

Save us baby. Save me.

the world is mean.

Yesterday, when I was  playing basketball, there was a student who showed up to play with us. He's an angry person in nature and he reminded me of how my brother is. Perhaps he has autism in the way he acts, and it was so sickening for me to see those people who laughed at him and whispering behind his back. I felt so angry. I felt like taking the ball and throwing it at their faces. Don't they realize that its because of their insults and whispering which makes him act like that. Theres no way of escaping it, humans are born with the love to hurt each other. To feel superior to those who can't fight back. To all those who knows what I'm talking about, stay strong. You're so much worthier than those cowards.

when a part of me dies.

I wonder if he's still mine.

If he still wants us.

After all this while,

I feel like he's giving up.

I feel defeated.

As a part of me dies,

Just thinking about,

How maybe there is no us.

But i refuse to accept that.

I refuse to let him go,

After all we went through

After all we fought for.

Please Sayang,

Please don't let me go.

we never look.

Each year, in communities all across Canada, families, friends, neighbors and teams from local businesses and national companies come together for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk events to bring help and hope to people battling blood cancers. This year it took place in Stanley Park.


I was volunteering in the balloon tent, blowing up helium filled balloons of Red, White and Gold. I didn't think it was such a big deal until the event actually started. People would come over to our tent with a ticket indicating how many balloons they wanted and in which colors. This doesn't seem like a big deal either. The surprising thing about this is the unbelievable amount of people who lost those diagnosed with Cancer. The Amount of people supporting. And finally the little who survived. The magical part? You can really tell that those who survived really faced death in the eye and fought it. When you're passing them that balloon, it feels as though you've been touched by an angel; so angelic, happy, and free. They're definitely an inspiration to all of us, to live like we've never lived before and to appreciate life wherever it brings us.

This event truly became beyond amazing when the sun started to set and when the walkers started carrying their illuminated balloons in the darkness of Stanley Park - white for survivors, red for supporters and gold in memory of loved ones lost to cancer - thousands of walkers - men, women, children and even dogs - to form a community of love and care, bringing light, to the dark world of cancer.

Take it all away

Obsession.

Why can't i just let him go. A new encounter of emotions has never been so intense.

Pain.

Everytime i think of him. The way he's changing. Heartaches; and its really bad.

Worry.

Waiting for the worst. Ready for rejection. I'm on my feet, and I'm ready to Run.

I really miss you.
but i don't know if you feel the same.
Hopefully one day we'll be together again.
but if not, i will always support and be happy for wherever you are and want to go.
If not, I'll always be there to catch you when you fall.
If not, I'll always pray that you'll be ok and that you'll have a good life.
iloveyou -forever&always.


elisya.