dangerous. how someone can read me.

Right now, you feel at ease because you have company
whereas before this
you had a slight feeling of doubt in you
and you had many worries which you pushed to the back of your head
and your forcing yourself to focus on what you're reading
your heart feels confused but you're trying your hardest to regulate it
and set your priorities straight only because you miss your family so very much
and you're compansating for the way you miss them by proving to them that you can do very well
you kinda feel like you wanna cry
but you can't right now
cause you're feeling very relaxed
very calm, very collected
you've given yourself a plight of relief by releasing your tension
but you're worried that in a few hours
you're going to go back to feeling not 100%

A dream.

our future.
everything yellow and white.
daffodils beside the beach.
a holiday in Cyprus with a trip around Europe.
a cup of coffee ready for you when you wake up.
asleep on the coach waiting for you to get home.

and then i open my eyes.
it was only just a dream.

worth fighting for.

you are.

but am i?

I'll let you go, if you don't want me anymore.

But I'll keep fighting, if you still do.

No matter how much it hurts, our love means so much more.

Give me a sign.

Tell me, you want me.

Save us baby. Save me.

the world is mean.

Yesterday, when I was  playing basketball, there was a student who showed up to play with us. He's an angry person in nature and he reminded me of how my brother is. Perhaps he has autism in the way he acts, and it was so sickening for me to see those people who laughed at him and whispering behind his back. I felt so angry. I felt like taking the ball and throwing it at their faces. Don't they realize that its because of their insults and whispering which makes him act like that. Theres no way of escaping it, humans are born with the love to hurt each other. To feel superior to those who can't fight back. To all those who knows what I'm talking about, stay strong. You're so much worthier than those cowards.

when a part of me dies.

I wonder if he's still mine.

If he still wants us.

After all this while,

I feel like he's giving up.

I feel defeated.

As a part of me dies,

Just thinking about,

How maybe there is no us.

But i refuse to accept that.

I refuse to let him go,

After all we went through

After all we fought for.

Please Sayang,

Please don't let me go.

we never look.

Each year, in communities all across Canada, families, friends, neighbors and teams from local businesses and national companies come together for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk events to bring help and hope to people battling blood cancers. This year it took place in Stanley Park.


I was volunteering in the balloon tent, blowing up helium filled balloons of Red, White and Gold. I didn't think it was such a big deal until the event actually started. People would come over to our tent with a ticket indicating how many balloons they wanted and in which colors. This doesn't seem like a big deal either. The surprising thing about this is the unbelievable amount of people who lost those diagnosed with Cancer. The Amount of people supporting. And finally the little who survived. The magical part? You can really tell that those who survived really faced death in the eye and fought it. When you're passing them that balloon, it feels as though you've been touched by an angel; so angelic, happy, and free. They're definitely an inspiration to all of us, to live like we've never lived before and to appreciate life wherever it brings us.

This event truly became beyond amazing when the sun started to set and when the walkers started carrying their illuminated balloons in the darkness of Stanley Park - white for survivors, red for supporters and gold in memory of loved ones lost to cancer - thousands of walkers - men, women, children and even dogs - to form a community of love and care, bringing light, to the dark world of cancer.

Take it all away

Obsession.

Why can't i just let him go. A new encounter of emotions has never been so intense.

Pain.

Everytime i think of him. The way he's changing. Heartaches; and its really bad.

Worry.

Waiting for the worst. Ready for rejection. I'm on my feet, and I'm ready to Run.

I really miss you.
but i don't know if you feel the same.
Hopefully one day we'll be together again.
but if not, i will always support and be happy for wherever you are and want to go.
If not, I'll always be there to catch you when you fall.
If not, I'll always pray that you'll be ok and that you'll have a good life.
iloveyou -forever&always.


elisya.