its me.

Somehow, forgiveness is always a hard thing to do.
Once a lie breaks a heart, theres always that barrier that elevates back.
Sometimes, hatred takes over, but love always overcomes.
But that doesn't mean I'm fully yours.
You can go, and I won't cry.
Cause the pain that was once there has bruised me too deeply.

I wonder when you are ever going to have a heart warming talk with me.
Telling me your feelings and emotions.
Until that day, I will never fully go back to you.
I promise.

anxiety.

Anxiety. Is all i have in my heart.
The reason for you being here is for me..is it not?
The Difference in you brings out fear. I wanna runaway.
Im so scared. I don't know what's in my heart.
I love you. I know you want a another chance.
But I'm so afraid. I dunno what to do.
So hurt. So cut. So deeply.
I feel like I'm bleeding. Constantly, with my heart pounding.
Being with you is a risk.
My smile is fake.
Your eyes just tell me lies.

direction

Its amazing how once you could see how much you wanted to be with a person.
Now its all a blurr. Just because you couldn't control yourself.
I understand all the things that has happened to us.
But somehow this feeling is fading away.
Maybe its the distance, Maybe the patience or maybe cause I'm too hurt.

I used to listen to love songs and think of you all day.
But now, the songs..have no meaning. They are just songs.
No memories. No emotion. No feeling.
I even realized sometimes I can't even look at your face.

Somehow I know, that you can't prove me wrong.
Somehow I know, that you'll hurt me again.

I don't wanna feel like this. I want you to take back my heart.

Where you kept it safe and warm.

Lost, until regained. You have three weeks to prove me wrong.

You have three weeks to regain my faith. In us and our relationship. 

Or I'm Sorry to say. 

We both need to move on. 

Whatever happens, Thank you. 

Thank you for giving me your love; 

I'll always cherish it.

And I'll always cherish you.

mom&dad.

Ya Allah,

Bless my parents.
Forgive them for all their sins.
Guide them always, in the right direction.
Keep them healthy, strong, safe and happy.
Take away their fear.
Guide them to their way into heaven.

Oh, please.
Keep them sound for me.
Till I am beside them once again.

Never knew you had this part in you

"Keep telling me everyday that I'll leave you, and maybe someday I just might."



Thanks for the Warning.


love, e.

blank.

What do i do when i'm scared and feeling hopeless. Recalling my past makes me tear. Knowing my present makes me worry. Predicting the future, seems to be out of reach. I was so clear on my direction. On where i wanted to go. What i wanted in life. Now - its like an endless winding road covered in haze. I don't know where i'm going. And i don't know what i'll encounter. Maybe going "home" was a bad idea. It made me grow up too fast. Experience too much. To a point where i don't want to experience anymore. Life - i feel like i'm no longer here. The real me has disappeared. I don't know where she is. And i'm trying my best to find her. I realized, i'm only comfortable when i talk to those who were a part of my past. The ones who knew me. The ones who never judged me and stuck beside me. I'm too hurt. I got hurt for being myself. I know that's the reason why i'm gone.  i keep telling myself - you choose who you want to be. But what if that person i choose isn't enough.

Theres so many bad people in the world. The ones who wants to be a jackass for the sake of it. The ones who are never secure with their looks or their body. The ones who are too sensitive to anything people say. The ones who want to steal other people's boyfriends. The ones who lie to the ones they love. The ones who get pregnant and leaves their baby in a box. The ones who lie, cheat and steal. The ones who never appreciates life.  It makes me sad knowing these people exist. I keep telling myself that God surrounds me with good people. Angels under cover protecting me. I appreciate what he has given me. Though i wonder if He is sad, watching his creation go to waste.

I need to get over my past. I need to accept those people exist. I need to live my life, and stop giving a shit to those people who treated me wrong. As long as i have those people who care, who will never give me up for anything, i will be fine.